Anger as Self Help Mechanism

Years ago, I was ranting about low pay in this country and how everyone deserved a living wage. The person I was with asked what my salary was (they were close enough to ask the question and already had misgivings about my job at the time). I told her, and she said, "Hmmmm. No wonder you're so angry about wages."

It gave me pause, and it was true.

I still believe a living wage is a right, and that a lot of welfare that is supposedly paid to 'feckless individuals' is actually a form of corporate subsidy - that wages are artificially low and rents artificially high because corporations & landlords know the government will top up criminally low salaries.

But my excessive, unproductive anger was a result of it being a very personal. I was being underpaid for my skill level, and my response should have been to move on (and I did, soon after).

Self Care & Martyrdom

Pictured: Delicious Smoothie. Does not prevent cysts.

Recently I got pretty het up about this article.

I've had a similar health scare lately, although luckily it didn't require surgery.

I don't think the lady who wrote this and I would get along.

She felt betrayed and let down when she got an ovarian cyst, because she had, "spent most of my life eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly, and strongly believed in a preventive, holistic approach to disease."

Oh fuck off. So what, that means that women who don't follow your particular brand of woo deserve ovarian cysts? At least it's consistent with the 'holistic approach to disease / I don't understand how medicine works' attitude. She also 'balks at even mild painkillers' and gets upset about the anaesthetic - I mean, would she prefer open surgery without it?

Later, she demands a metaphorical cookie for not using the morphine she is supplied with, putting it down to a 'strong constitution'. Apart from the patronising, ableist, bullshit implication that people who need pain relief are weak (as opposed to strong), there is nothing edifying or worthy about putting yourself through unnecessary pain.

Self Help

Then I realised why I was so angry about this. I do exactly the same thing.

Cysts are super common and often develop for no reason.

Yet, when I had my health scare, I convinced myself it was my fault for having a (mildly) wild youth. I had bought into the kind of bullshit the writer peddles just as much, just from the opposite direction. That kind of self blame is magical thinking, just as much as thinking vegetables & exercise will prevent cysts.

As for the pain relief - well I frequently try to endure pain when I shouldn't. I'll lie awake in agony several nights of every month, rather than take an ibouprofen, because I have the bullshit idea that NSAIDs will extend my period. I'll ignore a headache because I feel like I 'should' be able to - and other pain will simply be ignored. I'll tell myself that masking the pain will stop me from fixing the actual problem. Whereas, in reality, sometimes I have a headache because I'm tired. A paracetamol and a good night's sleep will fix the problem far more effectively than simply enduring pain, pointlessly.

Takeaway

Anger can be justified and straightforward. It can also be your brain's way of telling you something. Consider how the subject of your anger relates to your everyday life, and go from there.

Radical Choices and Myopia in Politics

By Hirsute2008 (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC BY-SA 4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0), GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC BY-SA 4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Our society's attitude to body hair is really weird. It was really difficult to find a image of a woman's body hair that wasn't politicised, sexualised or an object of mockery.

Body hair is hot topic in both choice and radical feminism, where regular women who need an income are often caught in the middle between the irritating and unfair amount of money and time they are expected to spend on grooming for work, and unworldly rad fems who work in academia, or for non profits, and think intact body hair is the only correct or laudable choice. The latter seem to lack the ability to see that if you work in the non academic private sector, or in the retail / service industry, refusing to remove your body hair could actually cost you your job. It might be couched in terms of 'appropriate grooming' or 'dress code' or veiled feedback. But the pushback and consequences are real. And if the 'choice' is between employment or body hair, most women will shave their damn legs. 

Fair? No. But even less fair is the inability of supposedly clued up and intelligent women to recognise that the idea of choice can be a laughable concept in a world with a historical and current atmosphere of oppression.

The Problem With Radical Feminism

TDLR? Radical feminists decry the evils of choice feminism while making the same mistakes.

For example; one patronising and irritating rad fem article "It allows them to earn the benefits society gives women who don’t challenge male supremacy while comforting themselves with the idea that their behavior... is feminist." It doesn't explore or recognise the very real costs of challenging male supremacy, or why a woman might not want to fight every single battle she encounters. It fails to even examine situations where the choice is simply not there. In my experience, when I have engaged in even mild pushback on 'male supremacy' there have been real, unpleasant, and sometimes dangerous consequences. 

Sometimes it's been worth it. Sometimes it was pointless. Sometimes it would have been better - for me - if I had I kept my head down and my mouth shut.

Every single radical feminist I have met has been white, immensely privileged and has criticised other women for working and participating in 'patriarchal structures'. They can inexplicably manage to work part time or not at all, which is usually the result of inherited wealth, government assistance or financial dependence on another person. Consequently, they have more freedom, time, energy and disposable income than most women who work for wages.

The Twin Pincers of Radical Feminism and Patriarchy

I grew up in a patriarchal, religious household and I work in a male dominated field. As a result, I hate being told what to do, or how to act. I hate conformity of all stripes, and hate the idea that there is one 'right' way of doing things. I hate people telling me what to do with my body, whether it's a teacher telling me to dress more modestly or a peer telling me to dress more sexily or a rad fem telling me that the makeup that sometimes makes me feel good - and that I have to wear to (in reality) keep my job makes me anti-feminist. I hate when people tell me how women should be. 

As a result, I can see why women are drawn to the seeming warmth and comfort of 'choice feminism'. Because guess what - if you are a rad fem, you aren't helping. You aren't going to provide me with an alternative skill set or job so I can pay my bills. You aren't doing anything practical to replace patriarchal structures. You apparently don't have to work for a living, or else you work in jobs where you can say or do or wear anything you like and think it's the same for everyone else. 

Radical feminism is no better, or even very different, from patriarchy or kyriarchy or organised religion or any other group attempting to impose their arbitrary and wearying views on me. You are nothing more than yet another person telling me how to live my life and patronisingly informing me why I'm not measuring up.
While choice feminism argues that every choice is feminist (not true), radical feminism fails to acknowledge that not all choices are possible.

And that's not good enough.