Matt Haig Vs Social Media

 I recently read "Reasons to Stay Alive" by Matthew Haig. It was beautifully written, and relatable, but it was disappointing to see yet another book about depression that stigmatises anti-depressants. Perhaps Mr. Haig's bout with the illness was mild, but for many, anti depressants are life saving. 

I felt that it was irresponsible.

The author also posted this ill advised tweet on May 30th.

Why Ill Advised?

Well for one, he quickly demonstrated he didn't know enough about the topic to comment.

For another, he didn't seem to grasp what he had actually said. He shared a Ricky Gervais quote about not being able to take criticism, implying that he was being trolled for no reason. 

I don't think he quite gets that what actually happened was - 

He insulted people.

He got insulted back.

He then got upset that people couldn't accept different points of view and opinions without getting nasty. As much as I hate to go playground - Matt, you started it. 

This only happened because he deliberately insulted people who have a different belief system to him. 

Blogger Okwonga wrote a sensitive analysis and rebuttal of the issue here. 

Student Midwives Showcase Why UK Women Don't Trust Them

A few years ago, there was a programme called "One Born Every Minute" where a midwife crowed about tricking a woman out of an epidural.

It sparked a Mumsnet discussion about labour experiences.

There were also discussions on midwifery forums. Staggeringly blinkered discussions between people with no sense of self awareness or irony.

One in particular, started off in a reassuring manner. They discussed the problems with access to anaesthetists, slashed budgets, a few bad apples. They were angry and upset at the way midwives were being portrayed, and wondering why women distrusted midwives.

All very nice, and utterly understandable.

They then proceeded to illustrate exactly why British women do not trust midwifery care.

The words "belief" and "opinion"crept in - concepts that have no place when it comes to medically proven techniques. And some really nasty views and opinions were expressed.

• 'wannabamidwife' suggested that women who wanted epidurals were "entitled", because pregnancy is 'not an illness'. 

• 'Mkunga' says "If epidurals were never invented, how many of these woman would have coped with labour because they had to??" as though that's at all relevant. People used to cope using whiskey and laudanum during surgery before anaesthesia was developed. That doesn't mean it's acceptable to do now. 

• 'Strawberry' was a particularly disturbing individual, and I hope I never have the misfortune to have that person as a midwife. They describe women who have had bad labours as "angry and exaggerating'"people who "haven't a clue". They also suggest that "epidurals are a priviledge (sic) not a right!!"

Despite their assertion that they had no agenda to push, most of them expressed a very clear agenda. One admitted she resented women who had epidurals because she didn't get the option.

They were more upset by people expressing honest experiences of objectively poor care than they were that people in their profession had provided poor care, and in some cases, left women with PTSD.

Their characterisation of birthing mothers was as angry, clueless, entitled fools who should be grateful they weren't labouring in a mud hut. They classed the desire for pain relief as entitled and privileged. They spewed vitriol, were incredibly rude about their patients, expressed hostility and jealousy toward their OBGYN colleagues, and frankly, could barely string a sentence together.


These are supposed to be university educated medical professionals.

This unprofessional, contemptuous attitude toward birthing women is not unusual.

It was disturbing, and nasty, and cemented my decision that I would rather save up and pay for a private c-section (despite the greater risk to me) than give birth in a Midwife Led Unit. 

Guardian Exploit Suicide of Teenager

The Guardian have exploited the suicide of a teenager to push propaganda against the junior doctors. I don't know what to say.

Both the publication and Steven Morris should be fucking ashamed of themselves.

Stephen Fry, Free Speech and Mental Health

The Stephen Fry thing is really interesting.

I usually love what he says, but what he said about abuse survivors is (obviously) fucking disgusting.

Free Speech Fetishists

It highlights what one journo called 'free speech fetishists'; i.e. free speech at any cost - a cost usually paid by other people. It's often utilised by people who would claim that they are the oppressed underdog - think Greer using her platform as a feminist to bash trans people, and thinking she's being 'edgy' when actually, she's just being an arsehole. 

She could - quite rightly - claim that she experiences oppression as a woman, and as an older woman to boot. What she doesn't seem to get is that trans people have it objectively worse than non trans people. She is kicking down, viciously, and that's one of the things that makes her (and Fry) wrong in this scenario. 

They are both using a privileged platform, built on social justice and equality, to mimic the very behaviour they claim to find loathsome.

Seeing Criticism as Censorship

These are the people who also claim they are being 'oppressed' or 'censored' if anyone reacts against them. 

Stephen Fry has left Twitter several times due to criticism; I do have some small sympathy for him, because I noted that a lot of the comments were pure trolling, or focused on his sexuality.

Greer was due to speak at Cardiff University and students there decided to protest, because they disagreed with her transphobic beliefs.

It and similar incidents sparked a wave of whinging editorials about the over-sensitivity of our youth and their inability to hear anything that conflicted with their namby pamby liberal views. This completely ignored the fact that the students had heard what Greer had to say, and they thought it was appalling.

When the Cardiff University students protested against Greer speaking at their university, they weren't stifling free speech; they were exercising it.  

 Similarly, Brunel University invited Katie Hopkins to speak at a panel debate about immigration. Katie Hopkins is a person who called immigrants cockroaches, and suggested that refugee children should be murdered by our army for the crime of fleeing their country in terror.

Students of the university attended the talk, then walked out en masse when she was due to speak. Those students weren't childish, coddled fools who couldn't bear to hear the hard truths uttered by a visionary. 

They were decent, intelligent human beings who exercised their right to protest because they believed that a tabloid journalist who advocated for the murder of infants had no place on a fucking debate panel. 

(That link is no-followed, because FUCK Katie Hopkins).

Mental Health

Stephen Fry's comments are super hypocritical given his mental health advocacy and personal struggles.

However I am also incredibly grateful that any time I've been in a very bad place, the thoughtless, horrible comments that spilled out, that I didn't even believe at the time, weren't recorded *forever* and splashed across the media.

For most people, a breakdown or episode might cost you a relationship, a friendship, a job. They won't be a matter of public record. They will be around, and public, forever. I hate Piers Morgan's views, articles and attitudes. But his patronising screed about being worried about Fry is sadly spot on.

I have already seen these comments used as an excuse to falsely brand Fry a paedophile, largely because he is also gay (a ridiculous and bizarrely persistent prejudice among the ignorant).

The guy seems to be ill, and as a general public, we are - once again, laughing at this person and making them a figure of fun, because celebrities aren't people, after all.

People who (hopefully) wouldn't trip a person with a broken leg, or make fun of someone with cancer, will cheerfully laugh at Sinead O Connor's struggle with bipolar. They'll mock Amy Winehouse's depression and substance abuse. They'll think it's utterly hilarious when Britney Spears has a breakdown, or Randy Quaid descends into paranoia. They shared videos of Sheen's 'Tiger Blood' phase, and some degenerates even sent abuse to the bereaved daughter of Robin Williams after his suicide. 

Fry's comments were appalling, utterly vile and symptomatic of his privilege and hypocrisy. They're also likely symptomatic of a manic episode, and likely to cause suicidal depression at a later date. I believe journalists, loved ones and publicists have a joint responsibility to look after people with mental health problems. It's a fine line to walk without infantilising people, but allowing them to humiliate themselves in a public sphere is not the only alternative. 

It's intensely telling that this has happened a couple of months after the BAFTA incident, and is a double warning that he should take some time and recover.

Why Comparing Abortion to the Holocaust is Offensive

I don't know why this even needs explaining. But I will, if only to straighten out my own thoughts on it, and because I am baffled that anyone thinks this is ok. 

Abortion & The Holocaust

Abortion is a common, legal medical procedure that in over 90% of cases happens in the first trimester and involves 2 tablets to dislodge a cell growth.

The Holocaust was a violent genocide of over six billion living humans. It included forced labour, imprisonment, starvation, torture and murder. It also included sexual violence and inflicting forcible sterilisation and abortion on unwilling women. 

The Nazis Removed Bodily Autonomy

The Nazis banned abortions for Aryan women (making it a capital offence) and subjected women they disapproved of to forced sterilisations and abortion.

The thing that disturbs me most about pro-life rebuttals to this argument is that they don't see that forcing a woman to have a baby she does not want and forcing a woman to have an abortion are equally bad. 

Many women during the Holocaust lacked bodily autonomy. They were subject to sexual violence, medical abuses, forced sterilisation, forced abortion (note the forced bit). Pregnancy for a woman in the ghettos or camps meant death. 

Abortion Saved Lives During the Holocaust

Pregnancy in the ghettos or the camps meant selection and death. It was a truism during the war. It is referenced in Schindler's Ark, where they touch upon Schindler's purchase of 'gynaecological instruments' to save the life of one of his women workers.

A more historic and heroic example of this hideous situation is Gisella Perl. I do not believe human life begins at conception, but Perl did. Nevertheless, she performed thousands of abortions on women - because she knew the alternative was definitely death for mother and child, possibly preceded by cruel medical experimentation. 

There are some very strange people who see Perl as a butcher. 

This is a woman who violated her own personal beliefs in order to save literally thousands of lives. It would have been easier and safer for her to let those women go to vivisection and death. She would have been murdered had she been caught. But instead, she made the hard choice and risked her life to save theirs. 

Most importantly...

The Jewish Faith is Explicitly Pro Choice

The Jewish position is that the mother's life always takes precedence over that of the foetus. Abortion is also acceptable where the pregnancy is causing physical or mental distress. Unsurprisingly, Conservative Judaism is stricter than Reform Judaism, a movement which is explicitly pro-choice. 

Co-opting the genocide of a group of people who explicitly disagree with your beliefs in order to promote your beliefs is pretty unpleasant. 

So?

I am not saying that pro-lifers are Nazis for being anti-abortion, any more than I am saying that pet owners are Nazis because Hitler owned a dog. 

I am saying that the Nazis sought to restrict bodily autonomy for all women, in several different ways. 

I am saying that that was an explicit technique of the Holocaust. 

I am saying that comparing the right to abortion to a genocide that specifically sought to take bodily autonomy and choice away from women is ludicrous. 

Stephen Fry and the BAFTAS

Stephen Fry made a rude joke about Jenny Beaven at the BAFTAS and was pilloried.

Now, I love Stephen Fry.  I think he was bantering with a friend, and that should have been taken into account. I also think his joke was  ill considered, because yeah, women do get shit for what they wear when men don't.

I don't think this is a case of egregious sexism. I also don't think that this is an example of 'social justice warriors' (how I loathe that term) bullying a great person, or about how we're all 'too politically correct'. 

I think this is an example of how we can't leave people with mental illness the fuck alone.

Stephen Fry & Bipolar

Stephen Fry is a man who has been open about his struggle with bipolar disorder. He's produced brilliant documentaries, spoken about his suicide attempts and works with fantastic organisations like Mind. He's acknowledged that his personal wealth cushions him from some of the negative effects of his illness and that in some respects he's very lucky compared to others. 

He's still a human being, struggling with mental illness, in the public sphere. And the public sphere's reaction is to mock him for it. 

Let's go over events leading up to him being excoriated on social media and the press. 

• Ill considered, slightly off remarks.
• Arguing with people online and off. 
• Expletive laden 'meltdown' in public.
• Sensitive reaction to criticism. 
• Grandiose gestures (quitting Twitter).
• Wanting to run away (the suggested move to Hollywood).

All behaviours which sound immensely familiar to anyone who has ever experienced mania.

Criticism of Fry

I've scanned social media and some comment sections and was utterly unsurprised by the reactions. Trolls and MRAs (who usually hate homosexuals) wanted to use him as some kind of poster boy, because he'd been 'mobbed by SJWs'. Some women accused him of misogyny. A subset of out and proud homophobes used the opportunity to criticise his 'lifestyle' and used words like 'hissy fit', 'flouncing' etc to convey their utter disdain for what they wrongly think gay people are like. 

Some people also mocked him for what they saw as his over the top reaction to 'a little bit of criticism'. 

This sort of reaction isn't 'a little bit of criticism'. This is literally thousands of people telling you that you are a terrible person. This is especially awful for a person suffering with bipolar. This is a man with a documented history of suicide attempts, being told he is a dreadful human being.

I applaud his decision to get off Twitter, because it's probably a good idea for his mental health right now. It shows as well that he is feeling well enough to extract himself from a situation which is making his mental health worse.

The Court of Public Opinion

There's often this bizarre perception that celebrities aren't really human, or that being a little bit different entitles other people to point and laugh (and destroy other people's lives).

The Daily Mail mocked Katie Price's disabled son. Richard Littlejohn conducted a media harassment campaign against a trans teacher until she killed herself.

A food columnist called Jack Monroe, who writes entertaining books and articles about how to feed yourself on next to nothing, was bullied relentlessly for being a lesbian and later coming out as non binary. She was also criticised for being 'middle class' although why that matters, especially when it's not true, is a mystery. She had bizarre lies levelled at her - Katie Hopkins accused her of vandalising war memorials - as the child of a veteran British soldier, Monroe said she would sue. Julie Bindel accused her of promoting animal cruelty with cheap meat, even though Monroe only uses free range, organic meat, and explained that that is why she doesn't eat it very often.

In terms of mental illness, you only need look at Britney Spears and Sinead O Connor. The public sphere treats celebrities with mental illness as hilarious. They talk about them as having made bad choices, and not as being unwell.

Anger as Self Help Mechanism

Years ago, I was ranting about low pay in this country and how everyone deserved a living wage. The person I was with asked what my salary was (they were close enough to ask the question and already had misgivings about my job at the time). I told her, and she said, "Hmmmm. No wonder you're so angry about wages."

It gave me pause, and it was true.

I still believe a living wage is a right, and that a lot of welfare that is supposedly paid to 'feckless individuals' is actually a form of corporate subsidy - that wages are artificially low and rents artificially high because corporations & landlords know the government will top up criminally low salaries.

But my excessive, unproductive anger was a result of it being a very personal. I was being underpaid for my skill level, and my response should have been to move on (and I did, soon after).

Self Care & Martyrdom

Pictured: Delicious Smoothie. Does not prevent cysts.

Recently I got pretty het up about this article.

I've had a similar health scare lately, although luckily it didn't require surgery.

I don't think the lady who wrote this and I would get along.

She felt betrayed and let down when she got an ovarian cyst, because she had, "spent most of my life eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly, and strongly believed in a preventive, holistic approach to disease."

Oh fuck off. So what, that means that women who don't follow your particular brand of woo deserve ovarian cysts? At least it's consistent with the 'holistic approach to disease / I don't understand how medicine works' attitude. She also 'balks at even mild painkillers' and gets upset about the anaesthetic - I mean, would she prefer open surgery without it?

Later, she demands a metaphorical cookie for not using the morphine she is supplied with, putting it down to a 'strong constitution'. Apart from the patronising, ableist, bullshit implication that people who need pain relief are weak (as opposed to strong), there is nothing edifying or worthy about putting yourself through unnecessary pain.

Self Help

Then I realised why I was so angry about this. I do exactly the same thing.

Cysts are super common and often develop for no reason.

Yet, when I had my health scare, I convinced myself it was my fault for having a (mildly) wild youth. I had bought into the kind of bullshit the writer peddles just as much, just from the opposite direction. That kind of self blame is magical thinking, just as much as thinking vegetables & exercise will prevent cysts.

As for the pain relief - well I frequently try to endure pain when I shouldn't. I'll lie awake in agony several nights of every month, rather than take an ibouprofen, because I have the bullshit idea that NSAIDs will extend my period. I'll ignore a headache because I feel like I 'should' be able to - and other pain will simply be ignored. I'll tell myself that masking the pain will stop me from fixing the actual problem. Whereas, in reality, sometimes I have a headache because I'm tired. A paracetamol and a good night's sleep will fix the problem far more effectively than simply enduring pain, pointlessly.

Takeaway

Anger can be justified and straightforward. It can also be your brain's way of telling you something. Consider how the subject of your anger relates to your everyday life, and go from there.